Part III: ‘stanward Bound

Flight Out – ‘stanward Bound

And as always, sooner or later it’s time to leave. Don’t you just love airports and planes? I don’t.

Going down the escalator to somewhere, an old couple is in front of me. The lady slipped somehow and fell backwards. Her husband supported her, and she didn’t truly fall, but she began totally squawking. “I’VE FALLEN! I’VE FALLEN! I’VE FALLEN! MY JACKET, MY SHOE, HELP ME!” I know that sounds strange, but it’s a direct quote. I typed it in to Mr. Ipaq shortly after. I don’t want to become old and decrepit. It terrifies me. I hope to go out with some measure of dignity, if not any at all of grace. Smile

I stop in the airport shops looking for some Denver / Colorado trinkets to bring back to a few people. Generally I’m not terribly creative when it comes to that, but I happened to see a decent t-shirt. Ah, that works. What’s this? Made in Uzbekistan?!?! Oh, the irony…

Finally it’s boarding time. Speaking of fat Americans, there’s a huuuge guy in the window seat — thank God I am at the aisle with someone else in between for him to crush. He has his hand on his companion’s leg, but it does not appear to be mere affection — the armrest is folded up out of the way, and from the looks it’d be up under him in any event. He’s also a wide-awake snorer. He puts his stuff on her tray table because he can’t get his even remotely level.

My seat will not stay upright. If I lean back at all, I’m going all the way back. Of course the kind individual behind me keeps using it to pull her out of her own seat, resulting in me reclining. I hate people. I seat leaning forward for 3-4 hours.

You can now buy your own airline meal for $10. The snack is still complimentary, as is your standard array of drinks, but still…that’s just ridiculous. I forget the restaurant company, but it was presented as a new partnership bringing to you the benefits of blah blah…

Actually HugeGuy isn’t so bad, but a bit ignorant. Though his wife is afraid of all the terrorists, he convinced her to go to Vienna & Budapest. I tell him to try and hit Prague, but he needs reassurances that they don’t hate Americans there. Why Prague would be different than the other two I am not entirely sure. Of course, we may not be hated, but we may not be universally loved. It’s too easy to generalize about whether country X hates or loves Americans. I’m sure they have better things to do on the average day. That said, I think there are general areas where it’s easy to generalize one way or another, but at the same time the actions of individuals swing it a bit. Waiters and other service types are different, because of course you are a pain in the ass to them!

Dulles International in Washington DC is a crap airport. Thankfully our flight from there to Frankfurt is full, because…I end up in business class! Business class on a 777 rocks. I could not reach the seat in front of me. I had a reclining seat with all sorts of neat gadgetry and good service.

What kind of fucking moron has to look for seat 1a in a plane? These 2 dipshits were wandering around 1st Class looking over and up at all the numbers, making a kind of figure-8 type pattern. Eventually they get to the very front left of the plane — “Oh, here it is, seat 1a.” Those guys had the ‘we’re CEOs’ look. One kept pestering another lady who appeared to be the one who actually runs the company and makes it all work. The clueless get overpaid because they are the dealmakers, but people who actually do the work make nothing in comparison. The average CEO makes some obscene multiple of the average paid workers in their company. That’s an eye-opener. I don’t remember the multiple, but I want to say something in the several hundred range. It used to be much less than that, but times change.

Big Fat guy + short shirt + reaching overhead = eewww! I think he may be pregnant.

Somebody else got awarded my seat also – oh heeelllllll no! Fortune continues to shine on me, and he is escorted somewhere to the rear of the plane, where people like him belong. Twisted Evil

Make short shirt guy stop doing that. He keeps standing around in the aisle, staring around at everyone with his best “I’m a badass” look. I think he’s trying to figure out which of us is the terrorist, so he can live out his “9/11 would have been very different if I was on board” fantasy. Sigh…

Oddest thing on the baggage carousel – 2 containers of Tang mix and a small plastic bag from some grocery store chain. The Frankfurt to Tashkent flight wasn’t terribly interesting, but it’s always fun to see who’s on the same plane with you. Since there are only a certain number of flights, you are guaranteed to see someone you know. In this case, the flight was mostly empty. Without KBR people, it would have been almost completely empty.

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